Criterion velocity and samadhi
We navigate the present moment through our accumulated learning, habits, intentions, and evolutionary drives responding to other people and the world.
Conflict in Post-Issue Relationships
The ideal goal in any conflict is to get back to love in seconds. This requires both partners to immediately recognize conflicts as they arise and shift instantly into mutual understanding.
Personalities are the base notes of change work
Whatever mode of therapy you’re using, it’s beneficial to keep influencing clients to install missing capacities in their personalities and take responsibility for problems stemming from maladaptive personality traits. It’s always a good idea to help people be more flexible, adaptive, and appropriate. This is both especially difficult and crucially important with personality disorders.
The triple threat model of human suffering
In the 57 years I’ve been studying psychology there have been three schools of thought about where psycho/emotional/social suffering comes from—nurture, trauma, and nature.
Personality disorders and mass formations
An Integral understanding of personality disorders, and how they fit into the mass formation distortions that currently seem to be happening everywhere.
The Hero’s Journey
Joseph Campbell studied 114 cultures to find common mythic themes, and a central one was the Hero’s journey—how people are challenged, meet challenges, and are transformed by their struggles. We are on different Hero’s Journeys all the time.
How Self-Love Progresses Through the Life Span
One of my favorite definitions of love is to be at-one-with. Developmentally, when it comes to self-love, we progress through stages.
An Integral Understanding of Narcissism and Gaslighting, Part 3
Narcissism is characterized by self-absorption, self-centeredness, the objectification of others, and a constant hunger for attention and praise—narcissistic supply. People with pathological narcissism—seeing others as merely objects for gratification—can also hunger to enjoy the suffering of others. This is where narcissism sinks into psychopathy.
An Integral Understanding of Narcissism and Gaslighting, Part 2
Narcissism is characterized by self-absorption, self-centeredness, the objectification of others, and a constant hunger for attention and praise—narcissistic supply. People with pathological narcissism—seeing others as merely objects for gratification—can also hunger to enjoy the suffering of others. This is where narcissism sinks into psychopathy.
An Integral Understanding of Narcissism and Gaslighting
An Integral understanding looks for deeper dynamics and practical approaches to identifying and addressing narcissism and gaslighting, and positions these problems as developmental challenges for everyone concerned—those dealing with narcissism as well as those suffering from narcissistic wounds.
An Integral understanding of suicide
Suicide has been in existence as long as self-aware consciousness has been in existence. The gift of self-aware consciousness included the capacity for humans to anticipate and understand the inevitability of their own deaths, and all gifts come with a price.
Coaching and Psychotherapy
I’ve looked with interest at the rise of coaching as a discipline over the last twenty-five years. I love the movement and admire all the men and women who are called to help others in their lives. People are by nature social, and everything we do, any developmental progress we make, involves intimate connections with other people, and we all do better with wise guidance.
Conscious Erotic Polarity
The loss of erotic polarity during intimate bonding is one of the main complaints of couples entering therapy. I’ve found many men and women to be shocked at the idea that erotic polarity is a responsibility that can be consciously taken on and improved by knowledge of masculine/feminine aspects/essence, and the principles of masculine presence and feminine radiance.
The Invisible Audience
Self-conscious is usually some version of feeling embarrassed in front of an invisible audience — an audience just waiting to find us ridiculous or unattractive. We dress for the invisible audience. We feel judged by the invisible audience. We feel humiliated in front of the invisible audience…you get the picture.
Conditional Love
The love of a husband and wife is in many ways our most important relationship. Strangely, it also is one of the most conditional loves there is.
Sexism is a Wicked Problem
Sexism is a wicked problem–meaning it has many components and needs to be addressed from multiple directions. I believe the answers to sexism involve understanding others and ourselves more deeply and determining our responsibilities for solving the problems of sexism. In this process, our own destructive Shadow–our own sexism invisible to us–is the hardest to deal with.
Shaping the session with furniture
I’ve found it useful to have chairs my clients and I can maneuver during the session, either on wheels or chairs you can easily slide. In my office, I have three armchairs on wheels, and other chairs I can bring in for family and group sessions. Each session then takes on a unique shape, depending upon how you and your clients position yourselves before and during the session.