Criterion velocity and samadhi
We navigate the present moment through our accumulated learning, habits, intentions, and evolutionary drives responding to other people and the world.
The Hero’s Journey
Joseph Campbell studied 114 cultures to find common mythic themes, and a central one was the Hero’s journey—how people are challenged, meet challenges, and are transformed by their struggles. We are on different Hero’s Journeys all the time.
The Neurobiology of Spirituality
How relevant is spirituality to normal development? According to a number of epidemiological findings and much neurobiological research, spirituality is of central importance to healthy development.
Codependence: what it is and how to deal with it
Humans are ultrasocial, and most of our interactions fall into three categories, dependent, independent, and interdependent. Just like most everything else, there are healthy and unhealthy versions of each.
Stages of trauma into transcendence
Trauma is an increasingly popular field in psychology, psychotherapy, and the world in general. Through countless studies in interpersonal neurobiology and social psychology, we now understand trauma more than ever before, and have many approaches to help resolve trauma into growth and development.
The H Factor
In the HEXACO 6-factor personality system, the H factor reflects how humble/honest or arrogant/dishonest a person is. I find this fascinating, with a lot of potential ramifications for other types and world views.
Forgiveness and radical acceptance
It’s astonishing how many human miseries can be resolved through forgiveness and radical acceptance. Never forgiving is taking poison to punish someone else—the more you punish the sicker you get.
How Enchanting Stories Can Reshape Your Reality
“Observe with interest” is one of the nuggets of wisdom I say repeatedly thanks to my guest joining us today, Dr. Keith Witt. He teaches us that we can observe stories through an outside perspective, and when we do it with interest there are gifts just waiting for us.
The Shrink & The Pundit: Fighting and Friending Our Way Forward
Dr. Keith Witt on the psychological mechanisms that animate evolution. All living processes exist in a rhythm of opposing forces which create conflict, resolving into either cooperation or domination. This dynamic of tension is the subtext of most human activity.
Myths from the pair bond
We humans take the drives and turn them into art, and arguably the oldest art forms we have are the mythic stories beginning with the ancestral tribes. I believe the human pair bond is the fundamental driver of much mythology.
Invisible Audiences
We feel observed all the time. We feel observed by our conscious selves and our inner critics. We feel observed by others–by our real and imagined tribes, by the people we pass on the street—because we are tribal beings, evolved to need each other.
The Warrior, the Healer, development, and Shadow
The Warrior, the Healer, and the Man of Wisdom are universal archetypes that inform our personal evolution in countless ways. They are intertwined in our adaptive unconscious–our Shadow selves.
A new paradigm for developing mastery in psychotherapy
Let’s focus mostly on therapists’ growth as human beings. I believe that such an emphasis is a new paradigm for developing mastery in psychotherapy.
We live in a relational universe. Everything is relationships.
We live in a relational universe. Our lives revolve around relationships with others, nature, the world, the past/present/future, and our countless interior selves, memories, and habits.
A Critical Moment in Relationships
If you want enduring bliss, you need to know how to repair injuries back to love! This of course begs the question, “What are the secrets of successful relational repair?”
The Two Commitments – If you’re in a relationship, check your commitments
If we feel that we want a life partnership with a person, the commitment needs to shift from, “I’ll stay as long as,” to “I’ll do what it takes to make us work.” This is a massive change in commitment!
Integral Parenting
Integral parenting is simply parenting mostly from integrally informed perspectives. Being Integrally informed helps you be a superior parent, but you don’t have to know Integral to be a great parent.
Integral psychotherapy is redefining psycho/spiritual/physical healing in the 21st century
Integral theory is a meta-theory that creates a scaffolding within which all other theories are organized. Integral psychotherapy is any therapy that takes into account a global understanding of the Kosmos. Objective/subjective, individual/collective, states of consciousness, lines of development, stages of development, spiritual/temporal, and types of individuals are core dimensions of Integral understanding. Any healing approach that practically utilizes these perspectives as cross-validating, mutually influencing forces is by definition Integral psychotherapy.
Let Her Inspire You to be a Better Man
This blog post is for guys willing to learn to love women better. A couple come sits in my office at 1:00 on a sunny Monday. Alexi is Persian-American Osteopath. …
LOVING COMPLETELY: An Inside Look at the Five Stars of Healthy Relationships
Loving Completely is a groundbreaking, self-directed web course designed to help you and your partner improve your connection on every level: physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual. Listen as Keith Witt and Ken Wilber take you on a guided tour through the Five Stars of Healthy Relationships, helping you to love more passionately, to relate more authentically, and to bring more care, compassion, and consciousness into your relationship.
Lying as Violence – How Your Lies Create Separations
People lie all the time. Check out these stats from Little White Lies – The Truth About Why Women Lie: 12 % of adults admit telling lies. 80% of women …
Supporting Each Stage of your Child's Spiritual Growth
We all want to support our children having a vibrant enlivening spirituality. How mother and father live their own spirituality, and understand a child’s inner worldviews and progressive developmental awakenings, …
Do NOT argue with Fundamentalists – and Here's Why
Fundamentalism is believing something so deeply that new facts can’t sway your opinion. We all have fundamentalist beliefs. For instance, I believe that love heals. You could show me fifteen …
The Hero's Journey, Our Journey
Each of us is born into a unique universe with “me” at the center. That’s the “me” you have always been and always will be. Our universe unfolds as a result of our choices and life circumstances.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) 3
By some measures, 1% to 2% of the population suffer from borderline personality disorder—and I do mean “suffer.” Feeling alternately better than everyone, and then so worthless that you don’t …
Mature Sex – When we don't feel like BABES anymore – Don't worry it's not over
Jennifer J. wrote to us on our Ask Dr. Keith page: “I’d love to see an episode on sexuality in older people…women who don’t feel like babes anymore, men who …
Is Facebook Bad for Relationships? I Don't Think So
Facebook has been criticized by bloggers and social media haters over the last four or five years, mostly in response to one study, by of all people, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML). That’s right, divorce lawyers.
Healthy Flirting vs Unhealthy Flirting – The Art of the Enjoyable Attraction
Flirting often naturally happens when a more masculine person (usually a guy) and a more feminine person (usually a woman) connect.
Development Never Stops – Why Our Brains Can't Stop Learning
Brains can’t stop learning because they’re constantly being conditioned by the world, inner experience, principles and intent. Even more, since we are compulsively social, we relate with each other–each day influencing and being influenced by every human contact.
If you don't feel beautiful, you haven't gone deep enough.
Have you ever felt embarrassed, let down, less than, foolish, or ashamed? Have you ever felt like a fraud in your life, work, or relationships? Have you ever made a …
Path With A Heart [83]
Back in the 60’s there was a UCLA anthropology student named Carlos Casteneda who wrote his master’s thesis about his many conversations and psychedelic adventures with a Native American shaman …
Shame Death Spirals
In this episode of Therapist in the Wild, Dr. Witt asks us to contemplate shame death spirals. Yes, we know everyone’s favorite subject… Shame makes us feel disapproval, we blush, …
Pride Goeth Before… [82]
I do a lot of meditations and practices each day, one of which is a mantra called “Green Tara,” where you repeat, “Om, tare, tutare, ture, svaha,” again and again. …
We influence what we scan for, Part 2 [81]
Let’s all become more optimistic and grateful. Last week we talked about how brains both consciously and unconsciously accumulate habits by scanning constantly, choosing what to focus on, and creating …
We influence what we scan for: Part 1 [80]
Brains are wired to scan for threats, needs, wants, what’s familiar, and what’s novel. Brains monitor the environment like the National Security Agency monitors the airwaves. Scanning for needs and …
“Mr. Natural, what does it all mean?” Part 2 [79]
Last week’s blog began with Mr. Natural (of Zap Comics fame) responding to Flakey Foont’s, “Mr. Natural! Mr. Natural! What does it all mean?” with his kosmic, “It don’t mean …
“Mr. Natural, what does it all mean?” Part 1 [78]
If you grew up in the sixties and seventies, you probably are familiar with Zap Comics, the counterculture’s irreverent, risqué, and hip extension of Mad Magazine (junior and senior high …
The Hobbit and married bliss [77]
I first read The Hobbit in the late fifties when I was nine or ten. It completely blew my mind and instantly became a bible of sorts. Along with the …
The Enneagram and Helen Palmer [76]
This past New Year’s weekend I had the privilege of presenting a talk called We are all Integral Psychotherapists at the Integral What’s Next conference near Boulder, Co. It was …
How To Not Have Anxiety, Depression, or Killing Rage As Attractor States
Each time we create a brain state, it’s more likely to come back. If we create it enough, we automatically go there in certain situations–it becomes an attractor state.
Attractor States and Default Modes – Train Your Brain to Shift
The first step in lightening up is accepting and managing our darkness. A big part of the price of feeling better turns out to be acknowledging and helping depressed, angry, and anxious self-parts. For instance, you could confidently tell yourself, “Yes, I’m seeing the world through gloomy glasses, but I know it’s a brighter place.”
Reducing Gun Violence: Part 2 [73]
In Part 1 I detailed David Kennedy’s amazing success reducing street gang shootings all across America (http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Shoot-Fellowship-Violence-Inner-City/dp/1608194140). The conclusion he offered was: Study the problem. Find promising approaches. Try them …
False Beliefs Completely Suck [71]
The fifty-something wife (Joyce) glares angrily at her husband, who first looks defiantly back, but then turns away in obvious discomfort. She is in the middle of a tirade. “John’s …
Freud missed the boat [70]
People get very busy with their theories. Examples of this are all around us. Free Market true believers say any restraint of trade is bad economics. Social Darwinist conservatives suggest …
Let him inspire you to be a better woman [69]
Men can be scary and infuriating. On the other hand, masculine depth of consciousness can deliver an effortless dance of romance and bliss. In each man’s desires and complaints, there …
Do it when you don't feel like it [68]
Greg and Katy are in their early forties, sitting across from each other in my office, visibly uncomfortable with the conversation. They’ve been discussing each other’s faults for about four …
Masculine Challenge [67]
“If you point your finger at me one more time, I’m going to slap you upside the head!” This was delivered with no humor and utter conviction by a welder …
Procrastination—Anxiously Trying to Hold Back the Future [51]
Jason is a successful lawyer in his mid forties, sitting in my office in a frozen state of procrastination. In most of his life, Jason takes charge and stays fully …
Growth Mindsets Are So Much Better Than Fixed Mindsets [42]
Lots of us make New Year’s resolutions, and most of us don’t follow through. Why is this? I believe it’s often because we have the wrong attitudes towards change—we try …
Turning Points and Peak Experiences [38]
I first meditated in 1965, kneeling in a line of karate practitioners facing our sensei (teacher), John Flaig. He was the only black belt in the room. Opposite him, the …
What are dreams anyway? Dreams are Pricesless Guides and Mirrors to our Souls
Amazingly to me, and I imagine to anyone else who works with dreams, there is a lot of disagreement about what dreams are. Some believe they are merely neurological events with little inherent meaning (E. O. Wilson in his otherwise awesome book, Consilience, takes this position), but these people are way in the minority. Modern research, clinical work, and wisdom traditions tell us that dreams are multileveled and have many interweaving meanings and functions. For example:
Yum/Yuck—Amazingly Reliable, Always Revealing [25]
Jill—thirty-seven, an assistant District Attorney raising her ten-year-old son after a difficult divorce—sits across from me in my office, fretting about an invitation she just got from her friend Shelly. …
What It Really Means to Want It Too Much [24]
One of my best friends in college was a dedicated womanizer. This was before the idea of sexual addiction, or sexual compulsivity, hit the mainstream, and I found nothing wrong …
A Warrior Does Not Let His Spirit Get Too High or Too Low [16]
Everybody has sacred texts, and I don’t just mean the Bible or the Constitution. Once when I was a young teen and bullying my younger brother Earl, he cleverly grabbed …
Add compassion and let it happen—the perfect healing recipe
One of the reasons I like to give lectures is that I have no idea exactly what I’m going to say. Sure, I’m prepared. I have outlines and notes, but …