Wise Self

Who do we become if we keep growing? Are there predictable changes in our sense of self as we mature on central developmental lines like the moral, psychosocial, spiritual, and integration-of-defenses?

Yes! We become more Wise Self as we mature on those lines, growing towards identifying more with compassionate understanding of self and others, awareness of reflexive and conscious-deliberative moral reasoning, and embodying core values.

You have a superpower! You can notice what is moving you, understand it compassionately, discern what serves the highest good, and choose what to do. Every time you do this you instantiate a Wise Self—your best life navigator, your alpha operating system. No other creature who’s ever lived on earth has evolved these capacities. 

Wise Self does not eliminate fear, shame, greed, anger, mistakes, or selfishness. It changes who you are in relationship with them and what happens next.

Wise Self has three definitions, all complementary:

1: Wise Self is a process of navigating the present moment. Our adaptive unconscious, our Shadow self, is constantly responding to interior and exterior cues by generating states of feelings, impulses, judgements, memories, and stories. Our conscious self can be aware of these states a half second after they arise and reflect on them. If we reflect on ourselves and others with compassionate understanding, cross-validate our reflexive moral judgements with core values, and live our principles, we are probably navigating with Wise Self.

2: Wise Self is a state of consciousness with definable features. Can you remember a time you felt compassion for everyone including yourself and believed you were acting towards what was best for you and everyone? Imagine yourself in that scene and notice the sensations in your body. If those sensations feel mature and loving, this feeling is probably an emotional signature of you being a Wise Self state. 

3: Wise Self is an aspirational construct to grow towards. My goal is to keep spending more moments, minutes, and hours operating from my Wise Self. I know it will never be 24/7, but I also know I spend more time there now than in years past and I’ll probably spend more time in Wise Self in future years.

Many of the constructs I’ve written about over the years like post-issue relationships, turquoise dialectics, Integral mindfulness, attunement, and constructive Shadow awareness involve Wise Self states. 

Wise Self is learnable. Think of an interaction you’ve had in the last day or two and focus on compassionate understanding of yourself and others involved. What moral judgements were you making about them and you at the time? Were you critical or approving? Were your critiques or approvals consistent with your core values to do good and not do bad? Were you living your values at that moment? As you ask and answer these questions, you are training and strengthening your Wise Self. You can do this during events or after events, with real people or in imagination. Awareness regulates, and awareness of when you are in or out of a Wise Self moment regulates you towards more Wise Self moments.

The bottom line is you contain a capacity that can notice what is moving you, understand it compassionately, discern what serves the highest good, and choose your next action. Every time you do this, you strengthen that capacity and become freer to love, work, parent, create, and contribute wisely. You become more Wise Self.