Welcome to the School of Love [01]

“All you need is love.” When the Beatles sang it, I believed it. Do you? One of the most potent things I’ve learned in my 37 years as a psychotherapist in Santa Barbara, California, is that “love” is a process that never stops, a river that flows forever. We all can love better. Can anybody love deeply and joyfully enough? This point was driven home to me one day in 1997. My wife Becky—we’d been together 24 years at that point—came back from one of her own therapy sessions and told me, “I worked on loving you better.” Her answer floored me. I felt a rush of warmth and gratitude—intense and unexpectedly tender—and that simple conversation became a signature moment in our relationship. I realized once again the power of love to heal and transform. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had this insight over the years, and it always feels both new and deeply familiar. (And yes, I remember the very day even after all these years not just because of what she said—but because of how she said it). Which brings me to this blog. After spending over 50,000 hours listening to my patients talk and scream and cry in frustration, as well as laugh and learn and walk out after a session is finished, determined to feel better and do better, I know how much the concept “Love Heals” captures our attention. This is not just a personal opinion– “Love Heals” has been endlessly validated by hundreds of years of research. Plus Love Heals feels honorable. It feels good. So…I’m determined to help you love better. Because love is great. Love can always blossom. Love heals. And I’m going to show you how. Welcome to the School of Love! I hope this will be the most illuminating and fun school you’ve ever attended. It’s going to wake you up and make you laugh. I’m going to be discussing everything from parenting newborns to why you’re nuts if you think it’s okay to have secret affairs. I’m going to let you know what I think about intimacy, development, and joyful living from my perspective as a therapist who has spent a lifetime studying and working with people. And I’ll really be looking forward to all your comments. Hopefully, you’ll learn more each time you visit. In fact, you may even be shocked at the wisdom and insights you’ll find along the way. The School of Love is now in session.