Before you speak,
Let your words pass through three gates.
At the first gate ask yourself is it true?
At the second ask is it necessary?
At the third ask is it kind?
This month my Integral Brother Jeff Salzman and I have a terrific conversation diving deep into the topic of lying as violence and using truth as a practice. We discuss the different levels of lying, how lying becomes part of our lives in development and how lying can be socially acceptable or expected.
There are lies of commission and lies of omission, conscious lies and unconscious lies. For instance, for some couples it’s against the (unspoken) rules to be mad at each other, or to be critical, so they lie about what they’re feeling or about what they really think. To be congruent they have to lie to themselves about it too, and voilá, an unconscious lie. Dr. Keith experiences this regularly in his practice.
There are even endogenous lies that were put into our psyches at an early age, which we may still believe, even in the presence of evidence to the contrary. Do you see why a skilled psychotherapist might be important?