Mature Sex – When we don't feel like BABES anymore – Don't worry it's not over

Jennifer J. wrote to us on our Ask Dr. Keith page: “I’d love to see an episode on sexuality in older people…women who don’t feel like babes anymore, men who need more stimulation or Viagra to have erections, fading libidos, etc. ” Thanks Jennifer! This is a very big deal issue. These problems are shared by millions. What to do? Accept that you are a sexual being! If you’ve got a partner, accept that you are both are sexual beings! We are informed by our sexual essence from birth to death (see Blog #47 on the Masculine and Feminine). Have sex and/or masturbate regularly—keep your sexual circuits and organs happy and alive. Talk with your partner about sex. What do you and your partner like, want, fear, and are ashamed of? Talk with the intent of radical acceptance. If you two can’t sustain these accepting talks find a therapist to help. Expand your understanding of sex. All forms of sexual/sensual pleasure are on the table including masturbation, fondling with and without orgasms, sexual talk, images, videos, books, toys and fantasies. Anyone for Fifty Shades of Grey? Talk to your MD or OBGYN in detail about your sexual feelings and functioning. I love Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, and hormone replacement therapy—they are part of the rejuvenation wave of the future that we’re all riding to some extent. If your doctor is uncomfortable with these conversations, get another doctor. If you are the more feminine partner in lovemaking, keep reaching for full surrender to your inner Sex Goddess. Open into deeper pleasure with movement, breath, and sound. If you are the more masculine partner, anchor in your love, power and principles. Focus on being nourished by her pleasure as you open her to deeper bliss. Relax and lead the dance; bathe her in your admiring delight. Whether you are more the leader or the follower, feel your erotic spirit emanating from your body, dancing with your partner’s erotic spirit—this spirit is largely independent of age, disability, and appearance. Practice attuning to yourself and your lover, during sex and also generally during the day. Lovemaking is a time to embrace your divine masculine and feminine essences and polarities. Leave your insecure ego at the door and put on your “I’m hot, desired, and enjoying a great time with someone I love,” persona—which you can consciously practice regularly—in what I call “American Tantra.” Work out, eat right, meditate, resolve problems that arise in relationships (with others and with the many parts of yourself), and get enough sleep—they all help with sex as well as improve pretty much everything else. There are a bazillion other ideas and techniques for enhancing sex as you age. Begin with the ones I’ve suggested, and never stop exploring and expanding. Remember, when you have good sex with yourself or someone you love, it serves all of us. Click HERE to watch Dr. Keith’s Video response to Jennifer’s question.