Improve intimacy and sexuality

Everything is relationships. Relationships with family, friends, intimate partners, nature, spirituality, purpose, and the myriad parts of ourselves (including our past/present/future selves)—it’s all relationships. How we manage these relationships determines the quality of every moment. Primary relationships with significant others are the biggest contributors to relative happiness according to mountains of social research.
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Our most intimate relationships are often with life partners like husbands, wives, lovers, and sweethearts. These primary relationships are built on three foundations—the couple’s friendship, love affair, and problem-solving capabilities. Every couple has different levels of satisfaction and ability with friendship, love affair, and problem solving, and we are always getting better or worse in each dimension. This is why lifelong relationship satisfaction depends on continually appreciating and improving the three foundations.
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Most of us have ideas about what superior intimacy looks like and feels like, but many of us can’t answer “Yes” confidently to the key questions:

  • “Is your intimate partner one of your best friends?”
  • “Do you and your partner mostly feel fulfilled with each other as lovers?”
  • “Do you and your partner solve problems easily without unnecessary emotional pain?”

This page provides multiple resources for you to progress from, “No, we don’t feel mostly fulfilled as friends or lovers,” and “No, we can’t solve problems without unnecessary pain,” to “Yes! We are mostly fulfilled as friends and lovers!” and “Yes! We definitely solve problems without unnecessary emotional pain!”

Related Books

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100 Reasons to NOT Have a Secret Affair

And What To Do If One Shows Up In Your Life
Learn More
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Loving Completely

A Five Star Practice for Creating Great Relationships
Learn More
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The Attuned Family

How To Be a Great Parent To Your Kids and a Great Lover To Your Spouse
Learn More
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The Gift of Shame

Why We Need Shame and How To Use it To Love and Grow
Learn More

Recommended Resources

Audio, Videos, Lectures, podcasts, TEDx talks, and Therapist in the Wild episodes (short rants on important issues), and articles related to this topic.